Loving you is wrong
by FireAtWill52
Summary: Lucius's thoughts of his wife


O.K… I know that everyone thinks that Lucius Malfoy is evil… and I couldn't agree more…I HATE HIM… but this is just a little experimental fic I've always wanted to write, about how he feels about Narcissa. Please don't hurt me…but surely he's nice to his wife, at least!

Loving you is wrong:

They don't know that I love you. We knew each other only distantly at Hogwarts, then, the second we turned 18; our parents pushed us down the aisle, and into our arranged marriage. It all happened so quickly. One moment, I was meeting you properly, for the very first time; half an hour later you were my wife.

Of course we didn't _love_ each other! We didn't even _know_ each other! But, what sort of a marriage is one that isn't based on love…supposedly, according to our parents, a good one. The words 'the only _real_ marriage is an arranged marriage' have been drilled into the both of us since birth.

I, for one, have vivid memories of my father lecturing me for hours on end about making a 'respectable pure-blood marriage', telling me over and over again that 'loving the woman you marry is WRONG, she's there to give you sons… that's all', not to mention his constant reminder that ' if anything was to happen to you, say, you were captured by the Aurors, or something like that, your wife cannot _cry_ about it! She must shoulder the duty of rasing your children… and marry again!'

The next one was very popular, my father told it to me at least twice a day; 'All that matters, Lucius, is producing more pureblood children! Your death won't mean anything to Narcissa! It's not meant to!' I can assure you, hearing my father tell me I meant nothing to him was extremely comforting.

My father doesn't know I love you, and I cannot begin to imagine what he'd do to me, if he ever found out. Not that he ever will, because I don't plan on telling him. I can hear his reaction now; 'Lucius, don't be an idiot, you don't _really _love Narcissa! You just _think _you do… because she's the mother of your son!'

Not only do I plan to not tell him Narcissa, I don't even plan on telling you, because you'd just look at me like I was crazy, and go back to whatever it was you were doing before I made my little announcement, thinking I'd probably just had to much to drink, and didn't mean it. But, oh how wrong you would be.

Because I do mean it. I'm not supposed to, but I do. I really, truly, honestly love you. And maybe one day I'll get the guts to tell it to your face, but probably only when I'm on my death-bed, and even then, only when I've got a few seconds left, so I wont have to witness the shock on your face. I mean, I didn't tell you on our wedding day, I didn't tell you when our son, Draco, was born, so why should I tell you know?

Draco. I look at him, and despite myself, despite the fact he's not supposed to mean anything to me, just like I don't mean anything to _my _father… I cannot help but love him. He is our son, how could I not love him? He is my own flesh and blood. My own _pure _blood. But the thing I love the most about our son, is the fact that he has your eyes. Your grey eyes that are full of my coldness.

I look at our son, Narcissa, and I get so very afraid. So afraid that something will happen, and I wont be around to watch him become a man, get married, have children of his own. Pure blood children. But most importantly, I get scared that I wont be able to ever see the one part of you I'm allowed to love: Draco.

Draco's marriage to Pansy Parkinson was arranged when they were 7. Because I could tell, that in his own way, he'll like her. It's impossible to know if he'll ever love her, but I hope he will. With all my heart, I hope he will. I also hope with all my heart, that one day he'll have the courage to come to me and say that he loves her. Because I won't disown him for it, like my father would me, if I ever told him that I loved you, Narcissa.

No, I wouldn't disown him, just like I never preached to him about not loving his wife, when he marries. Instead, I would tell him to tell her. Because that's how it would have to go. My father: never loved his wife, I: did love my wife, but never told her, and Draco: _Will _love his wife, and he _will_ tell her.

And so, Narcissa, that's how it will be. I love you, but you don't know that. They don't know that. And they never will, perhaps you never will either. But I want you to know one thing, my wife, and I know this is nothing but stupid Muggle saying but… if loving you is wrong, then I do not want to be right. Not anymore.

So… did you enjoy? PLEASE R & R MY WORK!! Please, please, please, please…it only takes a few seconds!!!! Please!


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